Personal Thoughts: December 2022, Part 1
I agree with with the general premise that if you don’t have close friends around you, it’s more of “your problem” than that of others. The premise is that you’ve not been a good enough person and people just leave you.
Sure, I agree with that general premise.
But let me put it this way. I don’t drink alcohol and people count that as one strike against me and don’t want to hang out with me. That’s fine. I don’t drink.
I also don’t have a lot of close male friends. The reason is simple: I’ve hung out with enough male peers to witness the fact that many of them like to talk about sexual things when females are around, and a lot of the things that they do say are filthy and uncomfortable. And I personally choose not to be around these guys. Sure, I’ve seen them be charming when the ladies are around, but once the females are not in the room, the guys say a lot of sexual things about them. I’m not talking about teenagers; I’m talking about people who are professionals and these include those who are highly-respected in their professions. Sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable hanging out with a lot of these guys.
Or they’re just very negative. When I got my first job, I excitedly told my “friend” Edward about it. It was an office manager job in a small company. Edward scoffed and said I was “just a secretary.” Why are people like that? Why not just offer your congratulations?
There’s also a comment I’ve heard being said about me: I’m not ambitious enough. Sure, that’s true. I have a Commerce/Business Administration degree, but I decided upon graduation that I wasn’t interested in the finance industry or banking industry. That does not excite me. But I’ve had “friends” who have disowned me because they feel I don’t try hard enough.
Well, I have spent a lot of my recent years chasing things that do excite me: 1) I have written books, which I have wanted to do for the past 15 years. (One of them is a biography about Tom Candiotti, one of my favourite baseball players growing up — published by McFarland & Co.) 2) I have become a hockey play-by-play broadcaster for a local minor hockey team, with broadcasting being something I’ve wanted to do for the past 10 years. 3) I have worked for multiple sports organizations locally, which fulfills my interest in sports. 4) A couple of years after graduation, I decided I wanted to teach, and I’ve been doing that for years.
Although this isn’t one of the “goals” that I have in life, I have managed to purchase a home to allow my mother and older sibling to live with me.
So, for somebody who isn’t ambitious, I would say I have tried my best to achieve some of the things that interest me in life. Again, working in finances and the corporate world doesn’t interest me.
I’m human. I have flaws. Everybody has flaws. I have given bosses attitude before — but they’ve been fine with it — because I know that I am a very capable and competent employee.
I would also say I have attitude but I’ve been responsible.
As mentioned, I purchased a home — a unit in a condo in Richmond, which is 20 minutes from downtown Vancouver. It took a whie because I was relying on my own income and the lenders were hesitant because my income wasn’t high enough in their eyes. I could not afford a place in Vancouver or Burnaby — if I let my mother and older sibling come and live with me. One of the first places I wanted was in New Westminster, which is about 30 minutes from Vancouver.
Keep in mind that Vancouver is expensive in terms of property, and I am the only person whose income the lenders are looking at. Yet when the information about my checking out New Westminster properties first floated to my older sibling, she scoffed and called me “stupid” for looking at properties that far from Vancouver. Hmm. Again, I stress this is my OLDER sibling.
One of my bosses once asked me about my family, and because I did not want to talk about the topic, I purposely changed the subject. Much later, the boss told me that after that conversation, she felt like I was trying to push people away by not talking about things directly when asked.
Okay, so finally I told that boss about the situation with my family. Remarkably, my boss said that because I’m a man, I should be taking care of my sibling and mom.
Okay, I see. Yet when I took my mother (who is over 80 years old) to do grocery shopping because whenever she asked my older sibling, my older sibling would just cover her ears and rudely walk away. So, yes, I do take my mother to do grocery shopping. Yet when I introduced my sibling to that boss, my boss seemed to agree with many things that my older sibling is doing. For example, after I came home with my mother doing the grocery shopping, my sibling scoffed and said I was a mama’s boy. Later, that same boss said the same thing about me.
Okay, so either way, people will say you need to be more responsible and look after your mother and OLDER sibling, and at the same token they will mock you for being a mama’s boy when you do grocery shopping with your mother.
As for my sibling, I would expect a little more respect than the constant mocking and insults I’m given. No, these are not said in a joking way. These are said in a hostile manner. Whether it’s saying I’m stupid for looking at properties outside of Vancouver/Burnaby or making insulting comments when I was measuring rooms to figure out where to place furniture and desks… I find that to be in poor taste because my older sibling seems to think that she can live for free as she gave me a cheque for rent (which was way less than the amount I had asked for) in the first full month that she moved in (we are still in that first full month now) and then promptly borrowed an amount of money (that was several hundred dollars more than the rent amount) from me shortly after. And I often brought food home that I had purchased to share with her. So, my boss doesn’t think I take care of my family?? What?! I would expect more respect from everybody.
More on these later….