Author Archives: alifeofknuckleballs
I don’t understand something…
I don’t understand something…or maybe I do. Many people are assholes.
I work in an afternoon school. Despite my busy schedule, I had to exert some extra effort to make it to afternoon school every Monday. I make sure that those in charge understand this. Yet, I rarely get a proper thank-you.
Mind you, I don’t need the extra income. I’m there to help out. In fact, I made $1,961 in my smart sports investments today alone. My boss wanted to discuss this with me today, but he ended up having meetings with clients and talking to other staff. He didn’t spend much time interacting with me. Why? I’m sure that the meetings are important, but then talking to other staff instead of me?
Again, I don’t need the extra income from the school. Today, as mentioned, I made $1,961 in my smart investments. Two days earlier (Saturday), I made $2,304 in my smart investments. Three days earlier (Friday), I made $993 in my smart investments. Over the past month, I have had way more days of profits than losses (by a 2-to-1 ratio).
I did some hockey broadcasting during the fall and winter. I have written several books. I make extra effort to help out at the school. Yet, people around prefer engaging in meaningless gossip and conversations instead of wanting to talk to me.
And in fact, today there was a visitor to the school whom we all know. She said no more than 10 words to me in greeting me and saying goodbye. Yet, she had a lot of things to say to another teacher there. Oh, okay.
And there was also something wrong with my scheduling that I wasn’t informed about today — something that at least one staff member knew — but I wasn’t informed. And they’re busy chitchatting amongst themselves, etc. etc. etc.
Fine, don’t talk to me.
This just goes to show that people are assholes. These words are here to stay. Whatever I type here, these are my experiences and what I encountered. I don’t delete any of this stuff.
All I can say is that people are assholes.
“I don’t feel sorry for you…”
Today, a student told me that he’d read on the news that property taxes are rising in our province. I asked him what he thought about it. Initially, he said he felt awful because he had to pay more when making everyday purchases.
However, I set him straight and explained what property taxes are. I then recalled what a colleague named J once told me when we were having a casual conversation about an unpleasant situation that I was encountering. She said, “I don’t feel sorry for you. It’s your life. I don’t feel sorry for you.”
Well, I can then be an asshole like J. and say the same thing about things like rising property taxes. I can just walk around and say, “I don’t feel sorry for those people. It’s their life….” But I’m not an asshole like J. So, I won’t say that.
Yeah. “I don’t feel sorry for you…” What an asshole… what a jerk-like comment.
Personal Thoughts: December 2022 (Part 2)
I mentioned in the last post that I have an older sibling who covers her ears and rudely walks away when our 80+ year-old mother asks her to take her grocery shopping. (It’s not that my sibling can’t; she has two cars and often goes out on her own driving one of those vehicles. And because she has an extra vehicle, I had to follow up with the building manager about getting that extra parking space — it’s $25 per month but there was no extra parking space available when I first brought the property, and I kept following up until that extra space finally became available. I did not receive a word of thanks from my sibling.)
And because I need to pay for the mortgage, I have been working 6 days a week (sometimes 7). (On a side note, even my mortgage broker seems to think I’m not ambitious enough as he thinks I should be working even more without truly understanding that I work many hours a week and I’m not a machine/robot. It’s to “get ahead,” in his words.)
So, on the one half-day (Monday morning) that I am not at work, my mother asks me to take her grocery shopping. Am I supposed to say no? Of course I take her, and this is after being physically and mentally tired from working that many hours daily.
But my older sibling (and, to some extent, my boss) doesn’t appreciate that and labeled me a mama’s boy. Wait, what?!
Now, to be clear, I’m not the type of person who will throw people out (although I can see most people that I do know will do that to my older sibling). I just expect more respect.
I expect cordialness.
But my older sibling is the type of person who gives people the silent treatment when she thinks you’ve pissed her off. Hmm. I see. Well, my older sibling is essentially living for free and yet isn’t thankful. When she does talk to us, it’s complain about one thing after another.
But at the moment (today is Christmas Day 2022*, and my older sibling hasn’t talked to me for weeks, a silent treatment/passive aggressive type of behaviour which started shortly after I lent her that money which she kept begging me to lend her), once again, instead of being cordial and friendly, she has decided to revert to the type of behaviour which is appalling.
*Think about that again one more time. It is Christmas, and my sibling shows no sign of thanks for living in my home for free and believes it is perfectly fine to ignore me like I do not exist. Think about that one again.
Again, I stress that she doesn’t pay rent (yes, she gave me a cheque for this month, the first full month she is staying here, but she promptly then borrowed money from me which was several hundred dollars higher than the rent amount).
She’s the OLDER sibling, meaning one would reasonably expect her to be more responsible.
Somehow, in people’s eyes, I’m the villain here. Okay, I see.
(On a side note, regarding responsibility: I recently found out from a student that one of the teachers at our school does not respond to the school admin’s texts regarding scheduling until the next day, which I didn’t realize you’re allowed to do. I almost always respond within an hour, if not sooner. I guess I should learn from others and not be that responsible, huh? This information was revealed in a conversation between that student and the school admin in my classroom while I was sitting in there, and the context of that conversation suggests that teacher’s action is inconvenient for the school.)
And my sibling rudely mocked me for buying a lot of fast food and junk food, even though she is aware (because I’ve mentioned it) that I often work 10-11 hours a day on weekdays and often don’t have a lot of time to have a proper meal (although I do not eat that food every day). Or maybe she isn’t aware because she doesn’t want to listen when I explain that I work 10-11 hours a day.
That brings me to this next point: Whenever people tell me “I don’t care” or “Nobody cares” when I want to make a point, I find that to be disrespectful. Many times people say that when they asked me something and I give them an answer, and their response is that.
I see authors write online that they get emotional support from their family during their writing process. The only things that I’ve heard from my older sibling is “Borrrrrrrring!” when I casually bring up I’ve published a new book. So, I don’t even talk about it anymore.
She was supposed to move out of her rented house by Nov. 1, 2022, but she wasn’t ready. The landlord, whom she refers to as an “asshole” and whom she wishes would just die, said that if she’s staying beyond Nov. 1, then pay $1,000 for the next 10 days. Do you know who paid that $1,000? That would be me.
When she still wasn’t ready yet (because she had accumulated a lot of possessions over the years), I suggested “putting more money in the landlord’s pocket to make him let you stay longer,” she scoffed that it was an idiotic idea. She even told that to my boss, whom I had introduced to her. (And oh, I am aware of the fact that my older sibling has written bad cheques recently — yes, plural — when paying rent. She was supposed to pay cash to the landlord but almost always wrote post-dated cheques and several of them bounced over the past few years.)
So, once again I’m the bad guy, the idiotic and stupid guy, despite the fact that I was actively thinking of solutions. My boss insisted she wanted to help, so I said to my boss, “I would like you to help my sibling to be more humble,” because of the fact that they talked to each other and my boss is an educator as well as a mother, so I thought that she could relate to my sibling in a way that nobody else around me could.
But anyway, I’m a bad guy, a loser, and an idiot/stupid person even though I’ve done my best to help my family members.
My mother tells me not to argue with my sibling because it’s not my sibling’s fault; it’s just that she’s been possessed by evil demons and spirits that are controlling her actions.
Well, I actually don’t have time to argue; I work 10-11 hours a day (which my boss has told me not to talk about), and I need my rest. I haven’t been able to write. I just expected to be treated with respect for all that I have done.
But, like, whoever taught my sibling that it’s okay to ignore people if you don’t want to talk to them… whether it’s her friends or peers or my boss who gave her this ridiculous and irresponsible idea… let’s consider that my sibling is living under my roof, doesn’t pay rent (I have a mortgage to pay, which seems to have escaped my sibling and my boss), and thinks it’s okay to ignore me and be disrespectful to me?
I’m really not sure my sibling’s attitude and behaviour make any sense. I am not sure what her point is. If she thinks she’s better than my mother and me (by choosing not to talk to us regularly), if she feels she’s superior and we are stupid low-lives, stupid losers, then why doesn’t she purchase her own property and live on her own? Or go rent an expensive apartment where she can have all the space she wants?
By her own admission, she’s told her friends before what losers my mother and I are.
Yup. I am a loser.
What a great life, huh?
Personal Thoughts: December 2022, Part 1
I agree with with the general premise that if you don’t have close friends around you, it’s more of “your problem” than that of others. The premise is that you’ve not been a good enough person and people just leave you.
Sure, I agree with that general premise.
But let me put it this way. I don’t drink alcohol and people count that as one strike against me and don’t want to hang out with me. That’s fine. I don’t drink.
I also don’t have a lot of close male friends. The reason is simple: I’ve hung out with enough male peers to witness the fact that many of them like to talk about sexual things when females are around, and a lot of the things that they do say are filthy and uncomfortable. And I personally choose not to be around these guys. Sure, I’ve seen them be charming when the ladies are around, but once the females are not in the room, the guys say a lot of sexual things about them. I’m not talking about teenagers; I’m talking about people who are professionals and these include those who are highly-respected in their professions. Sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable hanging out with a lot of these guys.
Or they’re just very negative. When I got my first job, I excitedly told my “friend” Edward about it. It was an office manager job in a small company. Edward scoffed and said I was “just a secretary.” Why are people like that? Why not just offer your congratulations?
There’s also a comment I’ve heard being said about me: I’m not ambitious enough. Sure, that’s true. I have a Commerce/Business Administration degree, but I decided upon graduation that I wasn’t interested in the finance industry or banking industry. That does not excite me. But I’ve had “friends” who have disowned me because they feel I don’t try hard enough.
Well, I have spent a lot of my recent years chasing things that do excite me: 1) I have written books, which I have wanted to do for the past 15 years. (One of them is a biography about Tom Candiotti, one of my favourite baseball players growing up — published by McFarland & Co.) 2) I have become a hockey play-by-play broadcaster for a local minor hockey team, with broadcasting being something I’ve wanted to do for the past 10 years. 3) I have worked for multiple sports organizations locally, which fulfills my interest in sports. 4) A couple of years after graduation, I decided I wanted to teach, and I’ve been doing that for years.
Although this isn’t one of the “goals” that I have in life, I have managed to purchase a home to allow my mother and older sibling to live with me.
So, for somebody who isn’t ambitious, I would say I have tried my best to achieve some of the things that interest me in life. Again, working in finances and the corporate world doesn’t interest me.
I’m human. I have flaws. Everybody has flaws. I have given bosses attitude before — but they’ve been fine with it — because I know that I am a very capable and competent employee.
I would also say I have attitude but I’ve been responsible.
As mentioned, I purchased a home — a unit in a condo in Richmond, which is 20 minutes from downtown Vancouver. It took a whie because I was relying on my own income and the lenders were hesitant because my income wasn’t high enough in their eyes. I could not afford a place in Vancouver or Burnaby — if I let my mother and older sibling come and live with me. One of the first places I wanted was in New Westminster, which is about 30 minutes from Vancouver.
Keep in mind that Vancouver is expensive in terms of property, and I am the only person whose income the lenders are looking at. Yet when the information about my checking out New Westminster properties first floated to my older sibling, she scoffed and called me “stupid” for looking at properties that far from Vancouver. Hmm. Again, I stress this is my OLDER sibling.
One of my bosses once asked me about my family, and because I did not want to talk about the topic, I purposely changed the subject. Much later, the boss told me that after that conversation, she felt like I was trying to push people away by not talking about things directly when asked.
Okay, so finally I told that boss about the situation with my family. Remarkably, my boss said that because I’m a man, I should be taking care of my sibling and mom.
Okay, I see. Yet when I took my mother (who is over 80 years old) to do grocery shopping because whenever she asked my older sibling, my older sibling would just cover her ears and rudely walk away. So, yes, I do take my mother to do grocery shopping. Yet when I introduced my sibling to that boss, my boss seemed to agree with many things that my older sibling is doing. For example, after I came home with my mother doing the grocery shopping, my sibling scoffed and said I was a mama’s boy. Later, that same boss said the same thing about me.
Okay, so either way, people will say you need to be more responsible and look after your mother and OLDER sibling, and at the same token they will mock you for being a mama’s boy when you do grocery shopping with your mother.
As for my sibling, I would expect a little more respect than the constant mocking and insults I’m given. No, these are not said in a joking way. These are said in a hostile manner. Whether it’s saying I’m stupid for looking at properties outside of Vancouver/Burnaby or making insulting comments when I was measuring rooms to figure out where to place furniture and desks… I find that to be in poor taste because my older sibling seems to think that she can live for free as she gave me a cheque for rent (which was way less than the amount I had asked for) in the first full month that she moved in (we are still in that first full month now) and then promptly borrowed an amount of money (that was several hundred dollars more than the rent amount) from me shortly after. And I often brought food home that I had purchased to share with her. So, my boss doesn’t think I take care of my family?? What?! I would expect more respect from everybody.
More on these later….
k. p. wee 